A Very Big Lunch for a Very Big Issue…

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The Big lunch 1

I have to admit, being an MKR Champion and a subsequent food blogger, definitely has its perks.
I get invited to be a part of some really amazing events, and I also get the opportunity to tell the world about them afterwards.

Take for example, yesterday’s lunch at the Adelaide Central Markets for The Big Issue’s ‘The Big Lunch’.
When I was asked to attend, my immediate reaction was YES!
This is a very worthy cause for very worthy people.
A week before winning the MKR Grand Final, Jess and I filmed a segment for Today Tonight at the Hutt Street Centre. It seriously blew me away, meeting and serving lunch to these people.
The homeless community are shy, grateful and humble.
They are sensitive and caring individuals, just like you and I, but with unfortunate circumstances and heartbreaking stories.
It’s easy to forget they are there, especially in a City like Adelaide, where homelessness is not in your face.

I grew up in the reasonably affluent suburb of Brighton and it wasn’t until at the age of 22, when I left Aussie shores for the UK that I was really exposed to this issue.
As anyone who knows will tell you, it’s inescapable over there.
At every tube station, on pretty much every corner, there is someone begging for help.

When I moved to Scotland, it was even worse.
I remember walking to get my hot lunch one day from work, and I saw a homeless boy, probably about 19, sitting on an Edinburgh High Street corner in the rain.
Hundreds of busy workers were rushing past, nobody noticing him.
But, I noticed him, and I saw that he was crying.
He looked so hopeless and helpless, it’s a vision that still haunts me to this day.

The Big Lunch

It was about this time, that I started purchasing The Big Issue.
I had my regular vendor, he stood outside our local Sainsbury’s.
While I was inside, buying a basket of fresh food, he was outside selling a magazine so he could afford his next meal.
My housemates used to tease, that they saw him driving off in a BMW. That he was actually a wealthy, media magnate and I was funding his empire…
But, as hysterical as their claims were, I knew they were just having a laugh, and it never stopped me from buying my fortnightly read.

I am certainly not the only person in Adelaide, who wants to help this cause.
In fact yesterday, there were 300 of us.
Unified, to eat a delicious lunch all in the name of this amazing charity.
Cory and I were seated, among others, with two exceptional food bloggers and down-right awesome people, McFuzzlebutt’s Manchen and Adelaide Foodies.
I knew it was going to be fun, and I knew we were in for a treat.
And, what a treat it was.

We arrived, to a glass of Champagne for me, and a Vale Ale IPA for Cory.
Tick and Tick, our lunch is off to a very good start.
Once we found our seats, and said our hello’s, I immediately started salivating at the large Charcuterie platter sitting in the middle of our table.
And, for good reason too. It was delicious.
There were a selection of amazing cured and cooked meats, a gorgeous terrine and antipasto vegetables. There were dips and olives, and beautiful fresh, crusty Italian bread all donated by some amazing local Central Market businesses.
Everyone was tucking in with glee, and it was a tantalizing teaser for what was to come.
A meal cooked especially for us, by Executive chef Lloyd Cremer and his amazing team from the Hilton Adelaide.

The Big Lunch 3

The Entrée.
Roasted Butternut and Pear Bisque with Granola or Free Range Chicken Mulligatawny soup.
I am a glutton, as we know, so when the soups arrived in two large tureens, I knew I’d be trying both.
I started with the Pumpkin bisque, and it was delicious with just a slight hint of curry, and the mellow sweetness from the pear. The Granola added an interesting texture and needless to say, my bowl was gone in 60 seconds.
Then, the Mulligatawny. I knew it was a good idea to finish on this, and I was so, so right.
What can I say, totally delicious. I need the recipe.
It had a beautiful amount of spice and Coriander flavour. The Chicken was generous, but also not overbearing.
What an amazing way to start a meal, and whet our appetites for the main event.

I will also mention, right about now I started getting really excited.
Not only for the promise of the main that was soon coming, but because of the realization that the meal was being served family style, so I could eat EVERYTHING!
I didn’t have to choose… WOOHOO!

The mains came out, and they didn’t disappoint.
We had a choice between Roasted Seasonal Vegetable Wellington with Wild Mushroom and Herb casserole, Citrus-charred Huon Salmon with Pea & Mint Salsa Verde and market Potato crush or, and I’m sure this was the resounding favourite, Slow cooked Lamb Shoulder with Preserved Lemon and Vino-Cotto Onions.
The Lamb dish was created especially for the event, by none other than South Australia’s Grand Dame of food and my personal idol, Maggie Beer.

All three were delicious.
The Wellington came served with a gravy so divine, that my husband’s first words were “You can recreate this, right?” hmmm… I can try…?
The Salmon was a picture of beautifully cooked, perfection. Flaking tenderly and with a zesty Salsa Verde that I could drink by the glass if given the chance.
And, maybe I’m biased, not just because I love Maggie, but because Lamb Shoulder is my favourite cut of all time… but, Yum!!
The Lamb was amazing. So tender, and so tasty.
I wished I’d brought a bigger bag, with a Tupperware container hidden in it so I could smuggle some home…

The Big Lunch 4

Next up, dessert.
There was again, a choice of three.
Rhubarb and Frangipane tart with Orange Anglaise, Cory’s favourite.
Triple Chocolate Brownie served with a fresh Raspberry ripple cream, simply divine and out of the two sweet offerings, my favourite.
And, what meal would ever be complete without a sensational Cheese platter?
Of course, cheese being one of my favourite things in this whole, wide world… I was now ending the lunch, in Heaven.
There was a Triple Cream Brie on this platter, which quite simply, I would take to bed.

There was a raffle, with some amazing prizes, donated by some even more amazing local businesses.
There were sensational Wines from Yalumba and delicious local Beer’s from Vale Ale as well as, gorgeous Lobo Cider to keep us hydrated and merry.
Actually, there was much more booze than it is generally acceptable to drink during the day.
At only $140.00 a ticket, this ‘Big Lunch’ is seriously Big bang for your buck!
But, there were also juices from Mountain Fresh and Splitrock waters, for those that preferred to abstain.

There were six, extremely talented artists, who were live painting original artworks for a silent raffle over the lunch.
I had a brief conversation with one, Datsun Tran, and he explained how delighted he was, that an event like this allows him to utilize his talents and help an amazing cause.
These artists are all truly exceptional, and the work they produced was brilliant.
The event was MC’d by Amanda Blair, and my word she’s a funny lass. Quick as a whip and kindhearted to boot.

The Big Lunch 6

The highlight for me though, was the guest speaker, a vendor called Garfield.
Look, anyone named Garfield, already has my vote… but add to this, his inspiring and tear-jerking personal story.
It reminded every single one of us, exactly why we were there.
There was not a dry eye in the house, while hearing from this amazing person about his extraordinary life.
Please, purchase the latest Big Issue to read about Garfield’s story, and I promise you will never walk past another vendor in the street again without buying a copy of this remarkable magazine.

All, in all, the food was fantastic, the atmosphere joyous, and the company, exceptional.
Is there a better way to spend a Sunday?
I think not.
I for one, can’t wait till next year, but in the meantime like undoubtedly every other diner there, I will get my fortnightly Big Issue fix by subscribing to the magazine, and helping in the best way I know how, by showing my support and getting a damn good read at the same time.

www.thebigissue.com.au

 

 

 

F.F… Mum’s Pork Penagalty

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Look, the jury’s still out on this one.
I just can’t say for sure… is it Pan Haggerty or Panackelty? I think this is a cross between the two.
Mum calls it the latter (actually, mum calls it Penagalty… and she’s likely right…), in any case, whatever you want to name it…
I call it Delicious!

This dish is something I grew up on.
Just like every other (part) English rose, a dish cooked lovingly by mothers for their families, and passed down to daughters… although, I think it possibly originated from Ireland…

Note to self: Your research has holes.

Anyhoo, this recipe is one my mum made for me, and her mum made it for her and so on, and so on.
Of course, I being me, cannot ever resist putting my spin on the classics, so I’ve turned a true peasant dish into something a little more extravagant (if you consider adding stock instead of water and fresh sage, splashing out…?).
So my friendly peeps, please enjoy this gorgeous golden oldie, straight from the Stump family archives and get some seriously mouthwatering, Pork on your Fork!

Until Monday… xxx

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Mum’s Pork Penagalty
Author: 
Recipe type: Dinner
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 4
 
Ingredients
  • 4 Large Pork Loin Chops with the fat still on - or any other Pork chop, just make sure it’s on the bone.
  • 2 large Brown Onions - thinly sliced
  • 4 Large Potatoes - peeled and sliced into discs
  • 4 Large Granny Smith Apples - Peeled and cut into wedges
  • 1ltr good quality Chicken stock - or Water for the purists…
  • Small bunch of fresh Sage - or 1 tbs dried sage
  • Salt and Pepper
  • Olive Oil
Instructions
  1. Heat a large, non-stick saute pan over a Med-High heat. Rub the chops with oil and season well, then fry for a few minutes on both sides until beautiful and caramelized. Remove from the pan and set aside.
  2. In the same pan, add another tbs of oil and fry the onions until starting to brown. Add the chopped fresh sage (or dried if you’re using it) and fry for another minute. Add the potatoes and season well again, place the pork chops back into the pan (along with any glorious Pork juice that’s collected) onto the veg and pour over the stock (or water).
  3. Bring to the boil then lower the heat to medium-low and cook with the lid on (leave a small gap so steam can escape) for 40 minutes.
  4. Add the apple wedges to the pan, and flip the chops. Remove the lid and cook for another 15 or so minutes. The chops should now be tender, but not dry (do not overcook the chops). Make sure you leave enough stock for a sauce.
  5. Serve the meat with the Apples and Veg, Spoon over the sauce. Enjoy!

The Festivus for the rest of us…

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Festivus 1
I Love Christmas.
Who doesn’t?
I love giving presents, I love receiving presents, I love Christmas food and I love catching up with my family and friends.
There’s really only one thing I can’t stand about Christmas… The shizen TV programming.

Anyhoo, when I received an invite to a Longest Table event at The Franklin Boutique Hotel and they were calling it ‘Christmas in July’, I thought to myself… Hells yeah sista!
Christmas… in July? I’m in.

I’m so proud to be an ambassador for The Longest Table and I want to help support all the awesome legends who are out there, getting on board and making a difference.
This charity has brought so many wonderful people into my life. It’s truly been a blessing.
Kari, our host for today, is another amazing person, I am lucky to have met.

I arrived at the Franklin, and I couldn’t help but wonder, why I’d never been there before.
It’s such a cool pub.
The atmosphere is super relaxed, and a little bit quirky.
Between the hard wood tables and the exposed brickwork, the leather stools and coloured panelling, this pub is so inviting, you can almost hear it calling you…

In fact it did call me, loudly.
My first instinct upon entering the doors was to make a beeline for the bar.
They have several different (delicious) beers and ciders on tap, but I could also smell something brewing that I’m telling you peeps, always gets my whistle wet… Mulled Wine.
Oh Yes. YES, YES, YES!
This Festivus was going to be good. I knew it from the start.
Soon my friends Dem and Chloe arrived, as well as Chloe’s good friend Beck.
I immediately ordered a Mulled Wine, while Dem (who’s being a true champ and is currently abstaining for Dry July) ordered an Espresso Mock-tini.
We found a place to park ourselves amongst the communal tables that had been set for the meal, and immediately readied ourselves for the Russian feast that was soon to come.

NEVER in my wildest dreams, could I imagine the unbelievable spread that did arrive.
Because of the sheer quantity of food we were served and the fact that it was so damn delicious, I continued eating way past my cut-off point, and became so grossly full that I began plunging into a food coma at the table.
Every direction you turned, there was another lunch guest gurgling and groaning from the weight and strain of their overfilled stomachs.
And, ordinarily, overeating to this capacity will usually turn me off something for a few years, if not for life…
Like the time I ate a family sized platter of my sister Dyani’s, Nachos with Slow cooked Mexican Beef and I was so sick afterwards, I couldn’t eat Avocado’s for about 5 years.
But, remarkably, I am not put off Russian food.
Oh no, I’ll happily eat another Cabbage roll right now. I actually toyed with the idea of asking for a doggy bag…

Festivus 3.1

First Course in our Christmas feast…
Borscht with Chilli and Fennel flat bread.
I’ve never before eaten Borscht, although I’ve always wanted to.
I absolutely love Beetroot, and in a soup, it’s a downright goal kicker! I will now be making it for my family.
The soup was delicious.
The beetroot flavour was there, but you could also taste the delicious stock and dill underneath it. The super light and tasty flat bread was a perfect accompaniment, and the swirl of Sour Cream just finished it off to a tee.
I devoured my soup so quickly, it was more like annihilation.
And, because I truly couldn’t give a rats wazoo what people think, and really love the top I was wearing, I used a bib.
We all wanted more of the bread… but when the starter is that good, you know you better leave room for main.

And, the main event… what can I say, it was truly a treasure to behold and served in my favourite way, family style.
I’m a huge advocate of communal eating.
I love serving different dishes and letting my guests choose for themselves.
To me, it’s what food is all about, togetherness and sharing.
But as these dishes started rolling in, one after the other, even I knew that my greedy eyes weren’t big enough for this spread.

Pork Shaslick with Onions was first off the rank and came served with lashings of tangy Yellow mustard.
Wow, this pork was so meltingly tender, I was truly blown away.
The flavour of it was delicate, but actually quite intense. It was definitely the best pork shaslick I can remember eating and I would happily eat it, again and again.
But alas, I need to save room…

Olivie… better known as Russian Potato salad.
I had a huge spoonful of this truly tasty salad next to my shaslick.
Y.U.M.
The potatoes were perfectly cooked, fluffy and soft, but still holding their shape. The gorgeous dressing was tangy with wholegrain mustard and dill. There were cornichons dancing through the salad and it was all topped off with my favourite ingredient, boiled Egg.
Yes peeps, I’m part German, could you tell…?

Next up… hot Sauerkraut.
Before we had a chance to plate any up (and because we were all too busy gas-bagging), someone at the table next to us, lurched from the sidelines and pinched the bowl.
Startled, I sat there wondering… will it return to me? Dear God, send it back!
It did eventually return, albeit a little less voluptuous…
But, my word I do love Sauerkraut, and this one didn’t disappoint.
The cabbage was perfectly cooked and the speck gave off just the right amount of flavour. I can’t tell you what was in the sauce, however there was the tang of vinegar, but it wasn’t extreme.
This Sauerkraut was so yummy, the absolute likelihood, of major cabbage related stomach gas still wasn’t enough to deter me from wolfing it down like I hadn’t eaten for a year.

And shortly thereafter, I knew this future gas likelihood was actually more of a certainty, because next up… we had Cabbage rolls.
There are no words.
The entire table fell into silence while we were eating these.
DISH OF THE DAY.
If Pete and Manu were here, they’d give this one a 10. I am actually, really kicking myself for not getting that doggy bag…

The rolls were always going to be a tough act to follow, but the next dish definitely held its own.
Kulebyaka, a whole side of Salmon baked in pastry with Mushroom duxelles, or another way of saying it… ‘Fish Pie’.
Incredible.
The Salmon was perfectly cooked. So moist and tender. The mushrooms had so much flavour, the pastry was light and flaky and there was not a bone in sight.
I’d love to eat this dish again, on a cold winter’s eve with a gorgeous glass of wine and my main man, Cory.
I’m going to try and recreate it, this much I know.

Festivus 3

So, about this time I started spiraling into my comatose groaning-zombie state.
I was so full, that the thought of ingesting more food was beginning to fill me with dread… but, like any good soldier, I refused to give up. Instead, I kept calm and carried on.
As they say, when the going gets tough… the tough, just unbutton their trousers.

Dessert.
Now, this is usually a course I can forgo without regret. But, I would’ve regretted this.
Ponchiki Donut.
I do not know what these are, nor how they were made, all I can say is this…
Imagine, if you will, a super light and fluffy, yet crispy and crunchy donut covered in a spiced sugar drizzled with a sticky syrup of some kind… it tasted like honey, but was dark like molasses.
Divine, in every way.
And last, but certainly not least, the Cheese platter.
Oh my God, they know my Achilles heel.
I cannot, I repeat… I CANNOT ever go past the cheese platter.
Oh Lord, have mercy!
At this stage, I was seriously thanking myself for having the foresight to wear stretch jeans.

After eating we all sat there, completely in awe of what we’d just experienced.
Then, the raffle was drawn.
Chloe won an accommodation voucher for a night, to stay in one of the Franklin’s beautiful, modern rooms.
I have to say, I’m slightly jealous.
If you are looking for somewhere a little different to stay in Adelaide, it’s centrally located and a superb choice.
Hilariously, her sexy date evening came courtesy of ticket No.69.
One might say, it was meant to be…

On top of all the amazing food and awesome hospitality, we also received 3 drinks of our choosing with the meal.
My choices…
Moscow Mule, Mulled Wine and my new favourite winter drink… Mulled Cider.
The Cider was like drinking a spiced, apple pie. A-may-zing.
There were also the musical stylings of an awesome Jazz band called the Adam Page Trio.
Usually, if the live lunchtime music’s to loud to talk over, it really gets my goat, but listening to these guys… I didn’t mind at all.
And, who doesn’t love a saxaphone? I’ve been a fan since my primary school obsession with the sax player from Johnny Diesel and the Injectors.

Note to self: You are now a respectable mother, and should not admit to embarrassing childhood crushes on men that were far too old for you.

Demsy and I have already decided, that we will certainly be back.
The Franklin is far too good, to never return.
She’s planning her next birthday there, and I have to say, I’m excited about it.
If the food for a one-off Festivus feast was this great… imagine what their regular menu is like?
I have it on very good authority, that their Hotdogs are heavenly and the pub grub they serve is truly tantalizing. I look forward to finding out for myself.
They’ve also got a generous and airy beer garden, a must in my book, for any event.

This pub is a true Adelaide gem, and the people who work there, are absolute diamonds.
An amazing event, for an awesome cause.
Thank you, Kari and the Franklin Hotel for a truly memorable meal and until we meet again…
Zazdarovje and do svidaniya!

Festivus 4

 

The Franklin Boutique Hotel

92 Franklin Street, Adelaide SA 5000

(08) 8410 0036

http://www.thefranklinhotel.com.au/

 

 

 

 

F.F… Jamaican Jerk Pork Ribs with Spiced Rum glaze

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Jamaican me hungry!!
Put your spice-belts on peeps, and hold on for dear, dear life!
This one will knock those frilly little cotton socks, straight off your footsies.
Be Warned!
If you’re a chilli light weight, go easy on the Habanero (it’s hotter than you think…), but if you’re a heat seeking missile like me… go hard!
This ‘Friday Feast’ or ‘F.F.’ for short, is perfect for those cold, wintry weekends, when you’re dining with friend’s, and fantasizing about warmer climates…
Or, perhaps you’re just smoking it up like Bob Marley… I’m talking about the BARBEQUE you bunch of crims.
Anyhoo, please enjoy my rib-tastic take on the always classic, Jamaican Jerk. Serve with an ice cold beer… and maybe a glass of milk. Yaaaa Man!
Until Monday… xxx

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Jamaican Jerk Pork Ribs with Spiced Rum glaze
Author: 
Recipe type: Nibbles, Lunch, Dinner
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 4
 
Ingredients
  • 2 kgs meaty Pork Baby Back ribs
  • Dry rub –
  • 5 dried Habanero chillis - or any other dried chilli you have on hand… make it as hot as you dare…
  • 3 tsp dried Garlic flakes
  • 3 tsp dried Onion flakes
  • 3 tsp dried Thyme
  • 3 large dried Bay leaves
  • 2 tsp ground Allspice… do not get this confused with mixed spice… Allspice Pimento is a dried berry.
  • 2 tsp Salt
  • 2 tsp Smoked Paprika
  • 1 tsp Celery seeds
  • Glaze –
  • 400gm can Tomato puree or Passata
  • 1 cup Brown sugar
  • 1 cup Brown vinegar
  • ½ cup Jamaican spiced rum - I use Captain Morgans
  • small bunch of fresh thyme - tied with a string for easy removal
  • 1 small Onion finely chopped
  • 2 cloves Garlic finely chopped
  • 1 cinnamon quill
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 2 fresh oranges for basting
Instructions
  1. Crush all the rub ingredients in a mortar and pestle or spice grinder. Rub evenly over the ribs and place in the fridge to marinate for at least 3 hours or overnight.
  2. Pre-heat your oven or hooded barbeque to 100c, then cook the ribs, uncovered on a baking tray for 4 hours, turning every hour. If using the bbq, cook the ribs on a rack in the top, not on direct heat.
  3. During the cooking time, every hour, use the fresh oranges to baste the ribs and keep them moist by cutting the oranges in half and squeezing directly onto the ribs.
  4. Meanwhile, to make the Glaze… In a small saucepan, combine all the glaze ingredients, bring to the boil over a high heat, then reduce to a simmer and cook it for approx. 1 hour or until reduced and saucey. Set aside until ready to use.
  5. Once cooked and falling apart, paint the meaty side of the ribs with the glaze, then increase the oven temp to 220c or turn your barbie up to high and cook for another 5 to 10 minutes until sticky.
  6. Cut the ribs into smaller portions and serve immediately.
  7. Eat and dream of Summer!!

For the love of Kava…

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I’ve been told quite a bit lately, that I’m wound tighter than Shirley Temple’s ringlets.
Mainly, from my husband, but sadly, I would also have to agree.
I’ve been somewhat of a stress head.
I’m unfortunately prone to irrational outbursts…

Case in point; Yesterday when our cockatiel bird son ‘Larry’ wouldn’t go back into his cage and was instead zooming through my hallways looking for new places to drop his rectal bombs, I was getting myself so worked up, the consideration of actually opening the door and letting him fly to his (cat or element related) death, briefly crossed my mind.
Pure evil.
Anyway, later on last night, after discussing the possibility of going away with a couple of friends who were over for dinner, I promptly realized all too quickly what my major issue lately is…

I need a Holiday.
I really, really need a holiday.
Maybe it’s the ex-travel agent in me… or maybe it’s just because, for as long as I can remember, Cory and I have always been planning our next trip.
In any case, my husband is without a doubt, my favourite person to travel with. We always have fun, we always have adventures and a holiday with him, always sets me right.

My family is exactly the same.
We all love to travel.
I have two older sisters, and all three of us were married overseas.
At every wedding, we had plenty of guests to join us, because all of our friends love to travel too.

Each of our weddings was like a traveling circus, with drunken clowns, wild animals and ringleaders…
Each wedding has hilarious stories (all of which, I will tell you over time) that in some cases are so completely ridiculous and infamous, that they have actually become Urban Myths… Hoo-Har, I’m talking to you…
And, each wedding had food. Lots and lots of food, and lots of food related stories.

My sister Dyani was first.
She and her husband Mark, were married in Fiji.
Cory and I had only been with one another for just over a year, and this was our first overseas trip together.
I already knew my husband was ridiculous, and a lot of fun, but nothing could EVER prepare me for what he was about to subject me to.

What, you might ask, could he have done that was so bad… well friends, let me tell you a story…

We were in Fiji with about sixty other people.
All of us friends, and all of us wanting to have a good time.
Alcohol was flowing freely.
Children were still just a dream in our minds.
And, between the lot of us, there was not a care in the world.
Cory was having the time of his life, letting loose and getting to know everyone in my family and circle better.
He was the life of the party, and won ‘Best on Ground’ for the trip.
Yes, this is all very well, but one thing about my husband, is he loves making new friends.
He will talk to anyone and everyone.
Once he’s got a couple of beers under his belt, his reserved demeanour is a distant memory and he’ll be off, meeting new people and making plans.

Anyhoo, about midway through our trip, we were all out in the hotel nightclub.
On this evening, I’d had quite a few drinks, but decided to call it a night and go to bed around midnight, so I left Cory there to carry on and I returned to our room to sleep.
Waking up the next morning, I felt terribly worse for wear, and rolling over to wish Cory a good morning, all I could think about, was how much I wanted to lie by the pool with my sisters and girlfriends all day and drink cocktails out of coconuts.
But no, he’d made other plans…

Cory informed me, that he’d befriended the lounge singer and after having an in-depth discussion about Fijian cuisine, decided it was a momentous idea to pay this woman, to make us lunch in her village.
She asked for $60.00, so he insisted she take $100.00.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I love Fijian food, and ordinarily eating a meal cooked by someone in their home, especially overseas, is to me, an absolute treat.
But, I was terribly hungover, feeling entirely vomitus and there were alarm bells ringing in my ears which I couldn’t ignore.

I could’ve killed him, but I also could not, in good conscience stand her up, so off we set…
On the way to our Taxi, a giggling concierge yelled out from the front desk…
‘Heyyyyy Corryyyyy, don’t get locked out again… hahahaha!’
Yes, that’s a story for another time… it involves Kava, Cory and imaginary Cannibals.

So, we got into a taxi and after explaining to the driver our plans for the day, we made a deal for him to return in exactly 2 hours to collect us, and take us back to the resort.
Driving into the village, there were gorgeous children running from all directions, looking at us with wonder and absolute amusement.
We were directed to the right home, and in we went.
It was immediately obvious to me, that these were not wealthy people, and I was genuinely happy that Cory had been generous.

Our host for the afternoon, ‘Jenny’ greeted us warmly and ushered us into her lounge area, where we were directed to sit on the floor.
There was already an old man seated on the rug, flanking the Kava bowl, and when he smiled with his toothless grin (toothless, except for an odd, centralized ‘tusk’ that was the size of about 5 large teeth combined) and pulled back his sarong to reveal where he’d lost his leg from a run in with a cane train, I knew hilarity was sure to ensue.

Soon, heads were peering around corners, eagerly wanting to witness the strange Australians who were coming to lunch.
Jenny began to recite our menu for the day, and immediately, my fears subsided.
We were in for a treat, and any dangerous feelings I was harbouring for Cory, were now replaced with sheer gratitude.

She was making us a traditional Fijian Fish Curry.
There were going to be Mussels in a Coconut broth.
We were having fresh fruit, and yams and Fijian Asparagus.
My mouth was watering as I visualized the delicious spread that was soon entering my life.
I was so excited, I wanted to dance.
But first, we have Kava.

We sat with the old man, he said very little, just smiled at us with that gigantic tooth. I loved that hilarious old man.
We drank some Kava, and I tried to be polite while I did so, as I absolutely despise the taste of it.
I liken it to a cross between, OMO and mud. In hindsight, it was the tastiest offering of the day…

Then, it was time for lunch.
Much to our horror, we were informed that it was Fijian custom for the guests to eat first, then the hosts would dine on the left overs.
And, in spite of our heartfelt pleading, this was non-negotiable, so Cory and I sat ourselves down in the designated eating area, and awaited our much anticipated meal.

The meal arrived… my heart sank.
It was also, immediately obvious to me, that although Jenny was a gun on the mike, she was coldblooded assassin in the kitchen, killing everything in her path.

The ‘Curry’ was a whole fish carcass, no meat and no edible qualities about his head, lying in a pool of grey juice with questionable floaties.
The Mussel’s, were in an equally suspect broth, and when I tried to chew one, it was so tough, I wondered if she had in fact swapped my mussels, for rubber circles cut out of a discarded bicycle tyre.
The yams, were dry, the asparagus woefully overcooked.
I can’t actually remember another time in my life when I’ve so voraciously attacked a bowl of bananas, as they were the only inoffensive item lying in front of us.
I had been internally drooling while I awaited this feast, and now I was outwardly dying.
I collected myself immediately, and set about eating, what might have to be the most unappetizing meal I have ever been served.
Every bite was a challenge.
I can now relate to the contestants on Fear Factor when they have to eat fresh eyeballs.
In that moment, I’d happily trade for a fresh eyeball. In fact, I would’ve traded for an entire lambs head.
All I could think about was the distinct likelihood, of Cory and I being admitted to Hospital that evening.

I looked over at my now husband, and I was seriously shocked to see, that he seemed to be really enjoying the meal and was eating with pure gusto.
I wondered if it was just me, was I too fussy?
Or, maybe… he’s got serious mental retardation and I’d never picked up on it?
Later on, when we were discussing the events that transpired that day, Cory divulged that he was equally shocked whilst watching me eat, and felt the exact same way about me.
We were left feeling pleased enough with the thought, that if we were able to fool each other with our Oscar worthy performances, then Jenny would NEVER have known how we truly felt about her cooking.
Cory pleaded for more Kava, anything to wash down his meal, but much to his dismay, he was advised that once you start to eat, Kava time is finished.

Meanwhile, we were begging Jenny and her family to join us and take over.
We had a big breakfast, we said.
Oooh, our small Australian stomachs could not possibly handle another bite!
Satisfied that we had eaten enough, Jenny’s son swooped in, and finished off the diabolical meal.

We were then directed to a small mattress on the floor and told to lie down. It’s time to rest and sleep off the lunch.
Holy Mother of God.
Cory and I were frantically looking at each other, cursing and kicking ourselves for not getting the taxi sooner.
We lay together, huddled in a ball, while the entire family starting dancing about us, like a coven of witches around a full moon.
Jenny then put a song on the CD player, which they began singing together like some deranged choir, and after asking what the song was about, the answer was this…

‘It’s a beautiful song, it’s about a mother who loves her children, then she gets divorced and they have a terrible custody battle’…

WTF? I promise this is not a lie; I’m not clever enough to make that up.

Right about this time, we heard a horn honk.
Sweet Jesus, the taxi is here!
I felt like the hand of God had come down, and was lifting us from purgatory.
Cory and I spent most of the cab ride in absolute silence.
Occasionally, we’d glance over at each other with a knowing look.

But, it wasn’t until we arrived back at our room… that we finally spoke…
After we’d closed the door behind us, and latched the key, we looked over at each other and fell into such a maniacal fit of laughter that it lasted for an hour.
We then ordered room service, and I ate a bowl of Carbonara quicker than the Flash.

I wish I could say Cory learnt his lesson, but he didn’t.
For the rest of my natural life I will be at the mercy of his holiday hijinks.
We already have a lifetime of ridiculous stories, and I’m fairly certain, many more to come…
But until then, I can’t wait for my next trip away, to let down my hair and leave the stress of life behind.
For what good is a holiday, if it’s not truly memorable and what good is a husband, if they don’t make life interesting?

Note to everybody: This is an absolute work of Non-Fiction. I could never fantasize such a tall tale.
Names have been protected (because this family were truly gorgeous people) and you will never know where we were in Fiji, so don’t ask.
Also, please don’t let this story deter you, I am absolutely certain that most Fijians can cook, just not Jenny.

So now friends, in honour of what could quite possibly be the worst meal I will likely ever eat, please enjoy, my little spin on the easiest ‘Carbonara’ (and, I use the term very loosely) style pasta sauce known to man, my Prosciutto, Pea and Mint sauce.
Perfect for those times in life when you really need to replace something wretched with something tasty, and do it quickly.
I have also included the recipe for my Hand-cut Spinach Tagliatelle, just in case you’re inclined to make your own pasta too… Enjoy!

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Prosciutto, Pea and Mint sauce with Hand-cut Spinach Tagliatelle
Author: 
Recipe type: Lunch, Dinner
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 4
 
*** Please note; This simple sauce will go with any pasta you desire, store bought is absolutely fine.
Ingredients
  • Pasta - Prep and cook time - 1 hour
  • 400gm ‘OO’ Flour + plus extra for dusting
  • 100gm Baby Spinach
  • 3 large eggs
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tbs Olive Oil
  • Sauce -
  • 500ml heavy Cream
  • 150gm Prosciutto
  • 1 cup fresh or frozen Peas
  • 3 tbs finely shredded Mint leaves + extra leaves to garnish
  • Salt and White Pepper
  • Olive oil
  • grated Parmesan to serve
Instructions
  1. To make the Pasta - In the bowl of a food processor, place the spinach, and process until it is a fine paste. Add the rest of the ingredients and whiz until it comes together in a ball. Add a little extra flour if needed to make a stiffer dough. Remove from the processor and knead the dough on a dusted surface (or in a stand mixer if you have one) for approx. 8 - 10 minutes until it looks elastic and it bounces back when touched. Wrap in clingfilm and set aside at room temp. for 20 minutes to rest.
  2. Divide the rested dough into 6 equal portions.
  3. Set up your pasta machine and roll the dough through it, starting on the thickest, and going down until you reach the thinnest *** Please note, you can also hand roll the pasta with a rolling pin, be very careful to make it super thin though, otherwise your pasta will not be silky when cooked.
  4. Once the sheets are rolled, pull in the sides from each end, then cut the sheets into 1.5cm slices. Repeat this process until all the pasta is cut. Once cut, lay the pasta, in a single layer on a baking tray dusted with flour to dry out before cooking (it is worth investing in a pasta drying rack, they are around $10.00 from most cookware stores, and make life so much easier)
  5. Heat up a large pot of boiling water, and boil the pasta for approx 3 minutes until cooked and silky.
  6. Meanwhile, to make the sauce - In a large saute pan, heat some oil and fry the thinly sliced prosciutto. Once crispy and fragrant, add the cream. Cook for a further minute or two, to flavour the cream then add the peas. Cook until the peas are hot, but still vibrant green, then season well and stir through the mint.
  7. Add the cooked pasta, directly to the sauce and toss it together.
  8. Serve with a generous amount of parmesan and extra mint to garnish.

F.F… Prawn and Chicken Paella

By 2 Comments

Prawn and chicken Paella

Welcome to the inaugural post, for a little something I like to call… ‘Friday Feasting’.
I will share with you all, a different recipe every, single Friday…
How ridonculously lucky are you, my friendly peeps?
Uhhhh Huhhhh… straight from my cranium, to yours.

Since I really don’t have as many hours in my day as Beyoncé (nice one B x), I will sadly not accompany these F.F. recipes with a blog post…
So please, just relish in the fact you get my words of wisdom at least once a week (EVERY Monday for the uninitiated), and my kitchen craftiness in double the dose.

Today’s ‘Friday Feast’ is my Prawn and Chicken Paella.
I’m asking you friends, does this draw a crowd…? HELLS YEAH Sisters and Misters!
It’s super easy and super awesome.
Try it for yourself, and, if by chance you want to laugh your ass off while watching me cook it for you, go to the following link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPJdkoj5iWk and marvel in my hilarious, albeit amateur, cooking demonstration skills.

Note to self: STOP saying UMMMM and Liiiike all the time, you freakin’ novice!

Have a great weekend, and seeya on Monday Funday xxx

5.0 from 1 reviews

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Prawn and Chicken Paella
Author: 
Recipe type: Dinner
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 6
 
Ingredients
  • Olive oil
  • 300g peeled green king prawns - leave at least 2 per person with the heads and tails still attached (so you can suck that sweet, sweet brain juice)
  • 500g chicken thighs halved if large
  • 2 chorizo – halved then thinly sliced
  • 2 cups Calasparra or Arborio rice
  • 1 large brown onion - finely sliced
  • 2 cloves garlic – finely chopped
  • 1 red capsicum - finely sliced
  • 1 cup dry white wine
  • 1lt good quality chicken stock
  • 400g can crushed tomatoes
  • 3 tbs smoked paprika
  • Pinch saffron steeped in ½ cup boiling water
  • 1 cup frozen or fresh peas
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • Handful of chopped flat leaf parsley
  • 1 lemon cut into wedges
Instructions
  1. Heat up your paella or saute pan over a medium-high heat.
  2. Toss the Chicken in 1tbs of oil, season well then fry until brown on both sides. Remove the chicken then add the Chorizo to the pan, reduce the heat and fry until brown and crisp. Remove the Chorizo from the pan and set aside.
  3. Add the Onion, Capsicum & Garlic. Cook for a few minutes until the veg is starting to break down, then add the Smoked Paprika and cook for a further minute.
  4. Deglaze pan with white wine and cook for 1 minute to reduce slightly then add back the Chorizo, Tomatoes, Saffron water & season to taste.
  5. Put the chicken back into pan then carefully pour rice around the chicken.
  6. Add the stock (making sure the rice is all covered), reduce the heat to low and allow it to cook without stirring for around 20 minutes until rice is almost cooked - this step can sometimes take a little longer depending on your stove top, but still Al dente and the liquid has reduced considerably. Don’t worry if it appears to be sticking, this will sort itself out when the rice rests later. If needed, bring the rice in from the sides of the pan occasionally.
  7. Scatter the peas over the top, cook for another 5 minutes.
  8. Add the Prawns cook for no more than 2 minutes depending on size (they will continue cooking in the steam as the rice rests). The Paella should now appear done with only a small amount of stock.
  9. Turn off the heat, cover completely with foil, and put in a warm place for 20 minutes. This step is very important it allows the rice to relax and soak up all the flavours.
  10. When ready to serve, sprinkle over flat leaf parsley, and serve in the middle of the table with lemon wedges placed around the rim of the pan.

The Bad Date Chronicles

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One thing I’m asked quite frequently about my MKR experience is “What’s everyone REALLY like, were some of them actually that bad?”
My answer is always the same…
Tough competitions (especially when you’ve got a 250K carrot dangling in front of you) can bring out the best in people, and also, sometimes the worst.

I have to admit, going in, I had no idea which direction, when I was under intense pressure, I was going to travel.
To the light side… or the dark?

I’m a good, mentally stable person, but I’m certainly no Angel and if you asked my husband he’d tell you, I’m not always a walk in the park…
I can be quite feisty.
And, I have at times (like most women…premenstrual or otherwise) had a tendency to morph from sane individual to asylum escapee in mere seconds, especially in the kitchen.
I am definitely getting better with age, and having children teaches patience through necessity, because honestly, who wants to be that screaming banshee mother ALL of the time?

Note to all mothers of small, occasionally demonic children: Being a screaming banshee is perfectly acceptable some of the time.

And, I have to say that being on MKR really taught me to have complete control of my temper under extreme mental and physical strain (which is precisely the opposite reaction the producers want, and no doubt were expecting from me).
Don’t get me wrong, anybody who’s ever worked with me will tell you, I deal with pressure situations well.
I can keep my head.
But, working in the MKR pressure cooker (pardon the pun) and having to, at all times, be on guard and ready for absolute, unyielding stress and to be eternally optimistic and able to always roll with the punches even when you’ve been beaten way, way down, was a major test for me.

Not being able to perpetually have my way in the kitchen was a seriously tough gig too, especially for a straight up Scorpio who’s used to always ruling her own oven.

But, above all else, I was concerned about how I’d potentially react when any of our dishes invariably, went south…
I am a serious perfectionist.
Look, I’m not ridiculous about it, I am well aware that nothing’s ever perfect first time around.
None of my recipes ever totally make the grade first plate off the stove.
But, If I’m cooking something I know well and it doesn’t stick to my exacting program.
I get mad.
I get really mad and sometimes, I get even.

Case #1: Sticky Date DOA
Our good friends Kris and Eva were visiting from Melbourne.
We were off to Cory’s cousin Bubby’s house for dinner and of course, I, being me, decided that two desserts are always better than one.
Variety is the spice of life, as you know.
Imagine my sheer delight when the Citrus Tart that I’d so lovingly prepared from scratch, emerged from the oven in all its tangy custard glory, an absolute picture of perfection.
Such joy.
I couldn’t wait to present it, I could already visualize the repeated OOOHH’s and AAAHH’s that were likely to accompany it’s unveiling.
Unfortunately, while I was otherwise distracted, meticulously caring for my crowning achievement, the tried and tested Sticky Date that I can usually cook with my eyes closed, got shafted like a virgin on prom night.
Man, was I peeved.
If I’d pulled it out of the oven 5 minutes earlier, my pudding would’ve held a much different fate.
Anyhoo, Cory still to this day, takes great delight in regaling all with the story, of the time he and Kris returned home to find a cake thrown on the road out the front of our house.
At least the birds and neighbourhood cats got a good feed… and Eva got a good laugh, as scarily, this psychotic episode was witnessed in the flesh by her…
And yes, I did make another pudding (once I’d calmed down from my murderous, dessert related rage).

Case #2: Porkgate
Another good friend, Nick, was joining us for dinner.
I decided to make Pork Belly with Caramel sauce.
Being such a huge fan of anything Pig related, I am always experimenting with my crackling and testing new ways to cook and serve Pork.
On this occasion, I decided to roast my belly, skin side down and then turn it for the last 30 minutes of cooking.
Pork belly, as you know, is always a labour of love, so understand my horror, when I turned the belly to find that the Teflon from my non-stick pan had decided to jump ship and my pork was now wearing it like a cheap, grey suit.
Out of respect for the animal, I didn’t discard the belly (just the crackling) and instead felt it was a much more satisfying course of retribution to maniacally launch into my backyard with the loathsome pan and stomp on it, with so much forceful wrath, that it promptly turned from a roasting dish to a flat cookie tray.
In hindsight, the speed with which I dispatched this hideous pan is testament to its cut-price nastiness.

Note to everyone: Buy crap cookware and it will eventually turn on you.

Nick and Cory also appreciate having this story in their fantastic ‘Crazed, Lunatic things we’ve witnessed at the hands of Bree’ repertoire.

Case #3: A Trifling Genocide
I don’t believe this requires any explanation, other than the fact that if any part of my trifle decides that it’s better to be an individual and not perform like the rest of its dessert layer comrades, things won’t turn out well for anyone involved.
Death will be swift and brutal for them all.
It doesn’t pay to be a trifle defector, especially in my kitchen, where it’s expected that you will surrender to my rule and execute (hmmm… fitting choice of word, considering…) the tasks you are assigned, no exceptions.

Disclaimer: At no time was I at fault for not adding enough gelatine. Just like every other, cold blooded Dictator, in my mind, I am only as good as my worse subjects, therefore the blame lies solely on their incompetent defiance.

Anyhoo, with these stories and the many others that I don’t have the time or blog space to mention, I feel it’s pretty clear that I can sometimes act like a total ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ in my kitchen.
Yes, it’s fun times all around after the fact, but I’m sure you’ll agree that if I’m deep in the throes of vengeful cooking passion, it’s really best to just give me a wide berth.

I will also point out, that you can surely now understand my worries about losing my mental marbles on TV and likely being committed to a loony bin by Channel Seven because I undercook some Chicken…

Remarkably, the competition instead, actually brought out only my Zen-like personality traits.
I somehow, always managed to keep my cool, inside the kitchen and out.
I have said in the past I learnt a lot about myself on MKR, and this is just one of the many lessons I was taught.
I truly realize now, that losing my proverbial shizen is never conducive of success, it’s actually incredibly counterproductive.
My kitchen is now a very serene place to be…
At least, it is when things work out, exactly how they are supposed to, at all times…
Anyone for Sticky Date?

4.0 from 2 reviews

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Sticky Date and Pecan pudding with Salted Caramel sauce
Author: 
Recipe type: Dessert
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 10
 
Ingredients
  • 250gm Seedless Dates
  • 300ml Boiling Water
  • 1 tsp Bicarb Soda
  • 150gm Pecans
  • 50gm Butter
  • 150gm Self Raising Flour
  • 150gm Brown Sugar
  • 100gm Crystalized Ginger - finely chopped
  • 2 Eggs - lightly beaten
  • 1 tsp Vanilla Extract
  • Salted Caramel Sauce
  • 200gm Brown Sugar
  • 100gm Butter
  • 300ml Thickened Cream
  • 1 Cinnamon Quill
  • 1 tsp good quality Salt flakes
Instructions
  1. Pre-heat your oven to 160c, roast the Pecans in a single layer on a baking tray for 15 minutes while you prepare the other ingredients.
  2. In a blender, place the Dates, Bi-carb and water. Leave for 5 minutes to soak.
  3. Add the butter, then blend for a few seconds. Do not over blend as you still want small pieces of date in the mix.
  4. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, place the Flour, Sugar, Ginger and roughly chopped Pecans. Add the eggs and vanilla to the flour mix, then add the date mix and stir until just combined.
  5. Pour the mix into a lined 22cm round cake tin and bake for 45 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean.
  6. To make the Sauce - Place the Butter, Sugar and Cream into a small heavy based saucepan. Melt together, stirring constantly over a med-low heat. Add the cinnamon quill and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, stirring occasionally for 10 minutes. Add the salt, half at a time, adjusting to taste if needed.
  7. Serve the Warm pudding with the sauce and a scoop of good quality vanilla Ice cream… Hells YEAH!